Five Shades of Grey

Valentine's Day may be this Saturday, but I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of couples and singles alike celebrating a day early with the release of the movie Fifty Shades of Grey. And for you kids reading who are wondering about this movie that all the adults keep talking about, let me explain: it's a movie about grown ups coloring pictures of people kissing using just grey crayons. Really boring stuff with lots of cooties that you have no interest in asking about any further. Now go make mommy or daddy a cocktail while they read Auntie Nature Geek's blog.

Today I thought I'd pay my own tribute to this monochromatic movie by highlighting the love lives of five grey animals. Let the science voyeurism [dramatic sexy pause] begin.

Dolphins

Dolphins are one of only a select few animals that are known to mate for recreational purposes, that is to say mate when a female is not in heat. Males and females will mate all year, but what's more is males will mate with each other as well. Now that's a bromance. Both male and female dolphins will stimulate themselves on each other, other animals (poor sea turtle), and inanimate objects. Some divers report being "raped" by dolphins, but really it's akin to nothing more than a dog trying to hump your leg. It's just this dog is really, really big, grey, and rubbery. 

How you doin'?

Why do they do it? Some may be quick to say "well it feels good," but it's not as simple as that. Many dolphin researchers refer to mating as a "socio-sexual behavior," which means that they use it to form and strengthen bonds. Bonobos, a primate that is a close human relative, also engage in socio-sexual behavior. For these animals, sex is often described as serving the same purpose as a handshake in humans. 

Don't think I'll be trying that move at my next business meeting.

Silverfish

I know many of you, like Mr. Nature Geek, cringe just at the mention of silverfish. These small, wingless insects are capable of massive household destruction of books, starchy food, clothes, and carpeting. They are exceptionally good at living with humans and making more of themselves. When a future Mr. and Mrs. Silverfish meet, they partake in a three part courtship ritual that can last for up to 30 minutes. In the first part, the couple face each other and touch their vibrating antennae, their version of small talk. In the second act of our lovers' tango, the male plays hard to get and runs away, and the female does the chasing. Once she catches Mr. Right, they stand side by side, and the male vibrates his tail. The male releases a packet of sperm onto the ground--this may sound a bit premature to humans, but internal fertilization is a bit too kinky for the silverfish. Instead the packet is absorbed by the female's ovipositor, a tube located at the end of her abdomen.

By the way, one unrelated neat fact about the silverfish that I can't leave unmentioned is the frequency of its molts. Usually insects shed their skin only as they grow before reaching maturity. However in silverfish, they continue to shed their skin as adults, molting up to 30 times in one year. Couple that with a lifespan of 2 to 8 years and that's a lot of wardrobe changes!

Marine Iguana

When the breeding season rolls around, male marine iguanas establish territories in which to strut their stuff called leks. Until recently lekking was not thought to occur in reptiles, only in other types of animals such as insects, birds, and mammals. Female marine iguanas travel from lek to lek, carefully inspecting each male. These ladies may be some of the choosiest of all lizards, evaluating their studs based on size, activity level, ornamentation (those awesome crests you see in the photo), body condition, and even how many ticks and mites he has. I mean really ladies, is there no bigger turnoff than ectoparasites on your man? Surprisingly, what is not used as a way to judge males is their coloration, which gets pretty spectacular in the breeding season.

In research conducted by Dr. Martin Wikelski, male marine iguanas were painted all sorts of hues to see if females had a color preference in their mates. The ladies cared not in the slightest. Dr. Wikelski's team hypothesizes that the coloration that appears in male iguanas is due to pigments building up in their skin from their diet of algae. When not breeding, a male iguana sheds his skin and this pigment on a regular basis. But when it's time to impress females, every bit of energy that can be spared goes into courtship, and they stop shedding their skin. So a male marine iguana's coloration is not an indicator of superior health or diet, but rather of his devotion to his sexy craft.

Grey Wolf

Like many males, the males of the grey wolf worry about competition from rivals. He may be the top dog and have won the female's attention, but as soon as he leaves, what's to stop another male from coming in and mating with her? Then it could be the rival's pups that the female raises, denying him the chance to pass along his genes. In grey wolves and other members of the dog family, nature has come up with a clever solution to eliminate the competition. When a male mates with a female, his penis swells swells and her vagina contracts, which causes the two to be literally stuck together for up to 30 minutes. This is just long enough for the male's sperm to fertilize the female, without the interruption of competitors. Five minutes into this "dog knot," the male twists himself around (ow) and the couple stay end-to-end for the duration of their time together, hoping they don't need to run anywhere fast. Or in opposite directions.

Peanut, the White-Faced Cockatiel

It would be remiss of me to do a whole blog on the love life of grey animals and not mention the strange habits of my very own grey bird. In addition to dolphins, it is known for many species of animals to masturbate, both in the wild and in captivity. When my beloved Peanut became sexually mature, he chose for his first "girlfriend"...a tennis ball. Now, I want to stop for a moment to let that imagery sink in. Yup, Mr. Nature Geek and I spent a lot of time laughing our butts off as we watched this little parrot try to climb on top of a rolling tennis ball. The best part was when the tennis ball would roll backwards and hit him and Peanut would give it a very angry PECK.

Baby Peanut, pre-towel traumatization.

But the fun doesn't stop there. As new bird parents 11 years ago, Mr. Nature Geek and I had read that it is a good idea with young birds to train them not to be afraid of a towel. The idea is that it makes vet appointments less stressful when the bird is wrapped up in a towel during examinations. So I took a towel and would drape it over Peanut, gently touch him with it, and otherwise attempt to acclimate him to it. Apparently what I did was forever screw up his birdy brain and today whenever he sees something clothlike and white, he wants to both intimidate it and mate with it. Ah, birds.

And yes, his song of intimidation is the theme to the Andy Griffith Show. 

They may be grey, but the love lives of the dolphin, silverfish, marine iguana, grey wolf, and Peanut are quite colorful. However you spend Valentine's Day this year, I'm glad you chose me to be your method of foreplay. Let's meet here next week for another secret rendezvous and get our geek on. Awww yeahhh.

You Show Off! (part 2)

You can now take a deep breath everyone, Valentine's Day is over. Whether you got so sick of pink and red that it made you see red, or whether it's because you narrowly escaped forgetting the holiday altogether, you can relax knowing February 14 has come and gone.  Last week, I highlighted different techniques that both humans and animals share when it comes to impressing that certain someone.  This week, I would like to continue that list, touching on some techniques that either you witnessed others doing (and probably had a good laugh at) or dare I say, employed yourself.


Last week, I started off by talking about bird songs.  Birds and humans may be the first animals that come to mind when we think about singing, but plenty of other animals do it too: whales, canines, primates, and even alligators.  Male (and sometimes female) American alligators participate in bellowing, which is a deep vibration that resonates throughout their entire bodies and makes the water on their backs dance.  For you musicians out there, these bellowing bases belt out a B flat two octaves below middle C. Take that Barry White!

Hellooooooo, ladies!

If you are more of the type who would rather be seen than heard, you share the limelight with animals that participate in what I classify as non-aggressive displays (in other words, not fighting). 
We primp and preen, we put on the clothes that accentuate our best features (and hide our worst), arrange our hair just so, and literally strut our stuff. The animal kingdom has mastered this art as well. Fireflies flash their trademark lights, birds don spectacular plumage, and even the humble guppy comes in an array of colors, as always all to demonstrate superb genetic lineage.

And if that weren't enough, some animals as well humans up the ante by shaking their groove thing. Undoubtedly many of you have seen what has been called the "moonwalking bird", the red-capped manakin, who has the remarkable ability to channel Michael Jackson.

The manakin's dance begins at 2:00 (though the rest of the video is neat too)

Finally, there are those among us who have a "no holds barred" approach to courtship.  These individuals often provide the rest of us quite a bit of entertainment as they attempt insane daredevil feats. In the human world, it may often seem that those who fail get more attention than those who succeed! Course, these people probably aren't impressing too many ladies. One of the most impressive daredevil acts in the animal world can be found in...surprise surprise on The Nature Geek blog...birds. Some species of eagles do a fantastic display called cartwheeling, or whirling. This dance of sorts is used both between mates and rivals. Two birds will fly high into the air and then lock feet and spin towards the ground. In courtship, both birds let go. In a fight however, the cartwheel is like a game of chicken: the first bird to let go loses. 

Whether you participated in any of these or last week's methods of showing off or just watched in amusement, we humans are not alone in our methods of courtship. Just think, you now have an entire year to practice for next Valentine's Day!  Now if you'll excuse me, I have some Michael Jackson music to cue up.

You Show Off! (part 1)

Valentine’s Day is next Tuesday and you know what that means, it means you’re glad that I reminded you that you have yet to get something for your sweetie.  That's because Valentine’s Day also means looove.  That’s right ladies and gentlemen, it’s this time of year especially when our thoughts turn towards romance and finding that special someone.  To impress the object of your affection, you may try to outdo potential rivals by offering gifts like chocolate and expensive (or at least expensive looking) jewelry, you may get all dressed up for your date, and if you’re feeling especially bold, you just may try to show off with some dance moves or your hidden musical talent. This time of the year means love for animals too, and the techniques that they use to impress potential mates are not so much different from our own.

Although we’re barely in to February, I have already been hearing birds singing outside my window. When birds sing, they are generally conveying two messages: “this is my territory” or “hey baby, check this out”.  Males want to show females how talented they are so that she will want to mate with him to pass along his superb genes to her chicks.   

The songs of birds are highly variable, but the mimics are probably the most varied of all.  Birds like the northern mockingbird, brown thrasher, and European starling all copy the sounds of other birds (as well as car alarms) in order to impress their mates. The male with the largest repertoire gets the girl.  We may think of parrots being the greatest mimics, but I think this guy gives them a run for their money: the superb lyre bird.

The chainsaw and camera make my jaw drop every time.

If you're one that likes to show off by spending money, you have some friends in the animal kingdom as well. Those that present gifts to potential mates are demonstrating that they are good providers, and can take care of the couple's future young.

This...

...translates to this:

So guys, think about just what it is you are conveying the next time you give a gal some chocolates on the first date.

Some animals choose to show off by trying to outdo the competition in a battle of the brawn.  Deer clash their antlers, wolves challenge dominant males, and rams slam their heads hard enough to need a lifetime supply of Motrin. Again, this is all done to show the females who has the better genes for strength. In Florida, I always got a kick out of watching the anole lizards fight.  They escalate through a series of steps that involves push-ups, flaring their dewlap (the flesh beneath the chin), and posturing before duking it out reptile style.  This video not only shows one heck of an anole fight, but the soundtrack is perfect.

Ouch!  That face grab has gotta hurt.

Stay tuned next week, when I'll highlight even more ways that animals show off to mates!